How To Be Yourself, everyone else is taken.

Most of us are who our parents, background, society or religion wants us to be. Even when we think we are liberated from trying too hard to please the world by being who they expect us to be, we still tend to want to be like people we truly admire. I only wonder who the people we want to be like want to be like....

1.   DISCOVER YOURSELF. As obvious as this may sound, many people get it wrong. It is pretty easy to. Yet it is the first and most important step to being you. How can you be yourself, when you don’t have an idea who really you are meant to be in the first place? You have to learn to pay attention to yourself and listen to your own inner voice. Ask yourself why you do what you do. Query your every actions and reactions until you learn your likes, dislikes, persona, uniqueness, passion, talents, dreams and everything. Isolate your strengths from weaknesses, and understand what is important to you and what is not. It takes a lot of efforts and disciplined concentration to achieve this in our noisy world. You might also require feedbacks from friends and associate to achieve your objective. Ask them to criticize you and have them do it genuinely. Most importantly, handle their criticisms with maturity and don’t be disheartened if their lists also include some awfully unpleasant things about you. Make them comfortable enough to be able to tell you anything and everything, without any reservations or fear of hurting you. Keep the end in mind. It is towards making the greatest personal discovery of your life – discovering yourself! 

2.   ACCEPT YOURSELF. Accept your discovery! Embrace your uniqueness. This includes accepting your pedigree and background – pleasant or unpleasant. It also entails accepting your strengths as well as weaknesses. Most importantly, learn to accept things you cannot change about yourself – your past. 

3.   DEVELOP YOURSELF. As you learn to accept things you cannot change about yourself, don’t forget to learn how to change the ones you can, to be who you are created to really be. Though a piece of gold is still gold when crude, it is best when refined. Then its real value can be revealed and treasured. The same applies to you. You can’t afford to be crude if you want to attain your full potentials. Continuously develop your strengths and diminish your weaknesses. Do everything in your capacity to be a better person today than you were yesterday, by simply committing yourself to a life of ever-growing personal improvement. 

4.   CONTROL YOURSELF. Be in charge of your own life. Don’t run your life’s affairs by “what will people say” like most people customarily do. Life is personal and your life’s control must not be left at the mercy of external factors. Don’t give the steering wheel of your life to people who have lost theirs. Too many people have lost the control of their lives to what others think for them. They’ve diminished themselves to mere robots who functions on auto commands. Am I trying to say you should ignore peoples’ opinions? Yes! Opinions are as abundant as the over 6 billion of us walking the earth, and everyone wants theirs to rule your life. So, it doesn’t really make any sense trying to make sense of the noise. As a kid I was very mischievous and I erred a lot. Whenever I was indicted for doing something wrong and I try to blame others’ influence for my actions, my dad simply asks, “If he asks you to jump into fire, will you?” I felt truly stupid afterwards. As important as it is to have role models, mentors, advisers and learn from people, the final control of your life should be yours exclusively.  It is your life; therefore, it’s your responsibility. If you really know who you are, you will know what is good for you, even if it is unpopular or unconventional. At the end, what makes you special, unique, and yourself is how much personal control you have over your actions and reactions. Learn to explore your power of choice and use it rightly.... 

5.   ENJOY YOURSELF. This is the ultimate. The whole essence of being yourself is to have the liberty of enjoying yourself. The idea is simple; BE REAL! Only a real person can enjoy himself/herself. Be truthful to yourself and your God. Be spontaneous. Laugh when you feel like. Say what is on your mind. Don’t pretend to be happy when you are not. Don’t act to be who you are not unless you work in Hollywood of course. It will make your life more interesting and uncomplicated. That is the secret of truly sophisticated people. Real people are like magnets. Like iron fillings to a magnet, they draw people to themselves. Whether you like to come in terms with it or not, people see through you, and whether or not they are honest with themselves about it, they know if you are being real or not. Aren’t we all attracted to a real person? By being yourself you draw into your life, the right people, factors, situations and release the positive energy that will make your very existence meaningful. Indeed, “Your life is an occasion, rise up to it!”... 

Things Every Woman Must Know Relationships...

The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth....

Truths You Were Never Told About Marriage...

1. Marriage doesn’t complete you. Contrary to the common phrase of finding“your other half” a healthy marriage needs to consists of two whole people who come together.

 2. You won’t always feel attracted to your partner. Even if we know this intellectually, when lack of attraction hits in marriage most people panic. We’re a profoundly image-based culture and we’re taught through mainstream media that if you’re not wildly attracted to your partner, you’re with the wrong person. That simply is not reality. We see our partners at their best and their worst, its completely normal for attraction to fluctuate.

3. You won’t always like your partner. That’s simply the way it is when you spend that much time with one human being. We allow for this when it comes to friendships and family, but with partners, we absorb a fantasy that we’re supposed to like everything about each other all the time.

 4. The head over heels in love stage doesn’t last forever. There will come a time in your relationship that you will have to make the decision to stay in love.

5. Love can grow with time and effort. We also grow up believing that you’re either in love or out of love; there’s nothing in between. And we believe that love is quantifiable and a fixed amount, meaning that you can measure it — “Do you love your partner enough?” — and that what you have in the beginning is all you’ll ever have. The truth is that real love grows over time. Love begins as an empty garden that requires attention and care, and when it’s thoroughly watered and the weeds are pulled, the flowers will blossom over a lifetime.

 6. You don’t have to feel love to give it. In our culture that says that love is only a feeling, it’s easy to feel confused when the loving feelings fade. Then we go against advice that says, “Fake it til you make it.” But sometimes, you have to act as-if in a long-term relationship, meaning that even if you don’t feel like giving your partner a good morning kiss, you do it anyway.

 7. Sex is a sacred act of giving and receiving. It’s sad and often detrimental that we’re offered zero guidance about one of the most complicated aspects of being human: our sexuality. We learn from pop culture, peers, and now, increasingly, from pornography, that sex is something you use to gain approval, validation or security. Healthy sex is none of those things. Loving sex is an expression of love, an act of connection where you practice the arts and skill of giving and receiving.

How to Overcome the Sexless Marriage

The sexless marriage is a real problem among couples in everywhere.As a result, they are just too burned out to have sex at the end of the day. Men, of course, are lending a helping hand more than before and have their own pressures at work. Put this all together and it's a recipe for a sexless relationship. Of course, there are those with physical ailments that prevent them from having sex, and they should consult a doctor.

As for the rest of you, who are just concerned that you've forgotten how to have sex because it's been that long, don't fret. For starters, it's like riding a bicycle. More importantly, you can overcome this problem and start having a passionate sex life that meets the needs of both you and your spouse. Here's what Johnson suggests to put the boom boom back in the bedroom:
Have the sex talk.

Like anything else, a good sex life starts with communication. "The marriages that survive are the ones that involve lots of conversation about each partner's needs (both inside and out of the bedroom)," writes Johnson in an e-mail. "Most couples don't communicate well about what they want during foreplay and sex." Quit requiring your partner to read your mind, and start speaking up about what you want and need.

Johnson encourages couples with whom she works to create a safe environment, where they both feel comfortable discussing anything - even sex - without worrying about being judged or starting an argument. Once you've begun listening to your partner - and really hearing what he or she has to say - without jumping on the defensive, you can start to have a real conversation about sex or anything else.

Rekindle your friendship.

Bet you thought I was going to write, "rekindle your romance." In a way, that is what I'm writing. But Johnson argues that love goes hand in hand with friendship. About 70 percent of sex, romance, and passion in a relationship is determined by the friendship the couple shares, writes Johnson. "Friendship is the basis of an emotional and physical attraction," she adds. "You have to like the person in order to want to feel romantic or be intimate with him or her." Try to reconnect as friends. Catch up at the dinner table, remember the good times and try to make new ones, and focus on the reasons you came to love this person in the first place.

Romantic Ideas

Coming up with romantic ideas can be a challenge for some couples. After all, it's hard to come up with new ideas year after year, and it's easy to fall into a rut, especially after you've been together for a while. For newlyweds, however, making a habit of incorporating romantic ideas into your everyday life can help you set a standard for life. Why do you need romantic ideas? You need them, so that you continuously refresh your relationship, prove you're not taking your spouse for granted, and build on passion. Frankly, romantic ideas keep things from getting stale and boring. Here are 10 romantic ideas:

1.  Flirt with Your Sweetie
Being married doesn't mean you're dead, nor does it mean that you have to stop being hot for one another. While it can be difficult to flirt with someone after you've watched him urinate or seen her deliver a baby, you should try to suspend reality for a bit and make like you're still dating.

2.  Share Love Poems
Whether you write a love poem yourself or read aloud one of the classics, you and your spouse will be inspired by the beautiful language used to express love and sexual desire. If you're a bit shy, you could also send the poem by way of letter or even text message. The point of a love poem is to find the exact right words to share your feelings with your beloved and to put them together in a creative way. On paper or out loud, a love poem will always help you score points.

3.  Write a Love Letter
If poetry is not your thing, you can always write a traditional love letter. You just put pen to paper and start spilling your feelings onto the page. Answer questions, such as, "How does your spouse make you feel? What do you think about when your spouse walks into a room? What are his or her best qualities? Why did you choose to marry this person?" Sometimes, we think our spouses know what we think of them. But, often, we never tell them. Frankly, even if we have shared our true feelings in the past, reminders on pretty stationary are always welcome

4.  Sing a Love Song
Singing a love song, performing one for each other during karaoke night at the local pub, or making like Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) in Say Anything with a boom box over your head blasting a favorite song always is a hit, especially with the ladies. Find your song or write one of your own and share it with your love. Be old-fashioned and throw pebbles at the window to get his or her attention. And then perform on the lawn for the world to see, too. It's the "shout it from the rooftops" moment that most people only dream about happening to them.

How to Have Sex

Sex is natural. But you might be wondering if you're doing it right the first few times around. That's perfectly normal. And for those who wait until their wedding night to have sex for the first time, the anticipation can be exciting but also nerve-wracking. So, I've pulled advice from sex experts and my own years of experience covering sexual relations in marriages to put together this comprehensive guide on how to have sex. Here are your step-by-step instructions:

1.  Learn how to talk about sex.
If you can't talk about sex with your partner, then you're not ready for it. If you're waiting for marriage to have sex and you're engaged, then you better learn how to talk about it with your future spouse if you're not discussing it already. Of course, sex talk can be embarrassing. But you have to be comfortable enough with each other to talk about your fears, what you want in bed, what it takes for you to achieve orgasm, any boundaries you have, STDs, and family planning to name a few.

You don't have to talk about all this stuff all at once. You can prioritize issues and discuss a little at a time. What is important is that you open the lines of communication and start the conversation, so it won't be difficult for either of you to bring up issues and questions in the future

3 Ways to Improve Newlywed Sex

Newlywed sex is supposed to be continuous and good and full of fun. But the honeymoon phase ends far too quickly for many of today’s couples. Many newlyweds who want to maintain their sex life are also contending with longer-than-ever work hours, paying off wedding debt, and sometimes raising children. In addition, most of them had sex with one another long before the wedding night, and their sex life might already be in a rut.

All is not lost, however. Here are three simple ways to improve newlywed sex tonight:

1. Divulge Your Fantasies

You’re married now. One of the perks is that you should be able to tell each other anything without embarrassment or judgment. Over a romantic dinner for two, share your sexual fantasies and discuss whether any of these could be fulfilled or if it’s best they remain fantasies. Wishes, such as incorporating food into sex, might require less conversation and thought than a threesome, for instance. You and your partner have to discuss where to draw boundaries and what’s right for you both. Even if you don’t end up fulfilling the fantasy, just saying it out loud to your spouse could be erotic and could help heat things up between the two of you.

2. Be Daring

Spice up your newlywed sex life every once in a while by surprising your spouse. Something as simple as putting candles on the table at dinner or sending a racy text message might help you break out of a sexual rut.

If you eat chocolate ice cream everyday, you will eventually get sick of it. The same is true with love and sex. You can’t feed your spouse the same dish all the time – even if it is dessert. You have to mix up the menu from time to time to awaken his or her taste buds.

3. Kiss and Touch Each Other Often

Kissing is an entryway to sex. Some married couples get so caught up in everyday chores and responsibilities that they forget to kiss and touch one another like they did when they were dating and engaged. The excitement wears off when this happens. Often, one partner feels as though the other has lost sexual interest. Without foreplay, you’ll never have sex – or you’ll have really bad sex. To stay connected to your partner – and keep up your levels of desire – you must kiss and hug and touch as often as possible. These tasks, in fact, should be the most fun part of your daily to-do list.

Romance Manual for Married People

Keeping passion alive in your relationship is one of your biggest challenges as married people – whether you’re newlyweds or you’ve reached the 50th anniversary or beyond. It requires great effort and dedication on the part of both spouses. Here are 10 ways you can get started on bringing romance into your marriage – and keeping it there:

1.  Infuse romance into the everyday.
The romance does not have to end when you return from the honeymoon. When you can, do little things to let your spouse know you care about him or her. You’d be surprised what an unexpected love note in one’s briefcase can do for a relationship.

2.  Have good sex.
One marriage counselor and therapist after another says that sex is a vital part of successful marriages. If you're having problems in the bedroom, talk it out with your spouse and consider seeing a medical doctor or sex therapist if the issue requires professional help to get resolved. Even if things are hot and heavy in the bedroom, you can always make improvements.

3.  Woo your spouse with kisses.
Kissing and touching your spouse is a great way to keep the heat between you burning. Increase the romance factor by surprising your spouse with an extraordinarily passionate kiss every so often. It doesn't always have to lead to sex, but it plants the seed for future encounters and makes the day a little more exciting.

10 Ways to Woo Your Husband or Wife

Love and sex can get even better after you’re married. With a little effort, you can continue to woo and romance your husband or wife. This will keep the spark in your marriage. Here are some suggestions if you’re running out of clever ideas for wooing your husband or wife:

1.  Pay attention to details.
Make note of something he or she likes when window shopping and pick it up for him or her. Leave it as a surprise – for no reason at all – somewhere he or she will be sure to find it. His or her side of the bed might work nicely as a gift delivery depot.

2.  Take action to make a wish come true.
Do something that shows you care and you listen to him or her. For instance, if your wife wants the kitchen painted a particular color, but she never seems to get around to doing it, you go and do it as a surprise. Just make sure you get the right color.

3.  Paint the town red.
Buy or pick a special outfit that you’d like to see your husband or wife wear for a night out on the town. Place a bucket with champagne and the outfit in your bedroom with a note explaining that he or she should put this on and meet you by the car at a certain time for a date. Then, plan a fabulous night fit for someone wearing those clothes.

4.  Put your love into words.
Dedicate your blog to your spouse. You might even want to write an entry about what makes him or her so special. It’s another way – besides your wedding – to share your love with the world.

5.  Give the gift of song.
If you can sing, serenade your spouse from your lawn or balcony. If you can’t sing, carry a boom box or MP3 player with speakers as if you were in the movie Say Anything. Make sure to pick a romantic melody or, better still, a song that means something to the two of you. Be kind to your neighbors and don’t do this in the wee hours of the morning when others are probably sleeping.

6.  Show affection.
Pinch your husband or wife’s bottom or lay a big, wet kiss on him or her to show that you still think he or she is the hottest person on the planet. Your desire for him or her does a lot to keep up the passion and make him or her feel secure in your relationship.

7.  Show your love in pictures.
Make a special scrapbook just for your husband or wife. Perhaps, the photos are erotic in nature or, perhaps, they are silly pics that you would not want anyone else to see. Sharing secrets of this nature and creating memories together enhances your bond.

8.  Text your better half.
Send sweet text messages to your beloved every few hours. You can keep them romantic ("You are my heart and soul") or make them hot ("I can't wait to rip off all your clothes tonight"). It might be fun to start off with romance and make them get progressively hotter. The idea is to let your husband or wife know that he or she is at the forefront of your mind and that you're still attracted to him or her.

9.  Surprise your husband or wife with a romantic getaway.
Surprise your spouse with a long weekend somewhere special. You could, for example, take a drive upstate or down the coast, pick a little hotel or bed and breakfast, and make love in between checking out the town. The important thing is that your husband or wife does not have to do a thing. You do all the planning and all the packing. He or she shows up and finds out that it’s time for a romantic adventure.

10.  Stay in bed.
Spend an entire day in bed with one another. Have food and drink readily available bedside (think champagne and strawberries, whip cream and chocolate), lounge in your birthday suit or a bathrobe. Kiss, hug, cuddle, have sex, sleep. Do it all from the comfort of your love nest – and wake up the next morning more alive than ever.

Steps to a Great Sex Life

Great sex can make a marriage sing. Sex, although only one component of marriage, is an important way for most couples to express their love. Great sex also happens to be a stress reliever and a way for married people to feel connected to one another. But great sex doesn’t happen overnight. Even though sex is usually fun for couples, it takes communication, effort, and, yes, practice to achieve great sex. Here, the steps to a great sex life:

 1.  Get confident.
Developing your own self-esteem, a certain level of contentment with your naked body, and a feeling of satisfaction with who you are as a person will help you gain confidence in life and the bedroom. The more confident you are, the better you’ll perform and the better you’ll feel about sex. After all, if you don’t love yourself, you can’t truly love anyone else

2.  Be romantic.
Great sex isn’t only about what you do in the bedroom. Most people need their lover to make them feel loved and appreciated. You have to show one another that there is something more to your relationship than sex. Romantic gestures, even corny candlelight dinners or unexpected red roses, can do the trick.

3.  Spend time together.
If you never see each other, you will never have sex. Just because you’re married does not mean you can forego date nights. Schedule dates and continue to court each other. A date night is a great build up to great sex. By the time you get home from a fun night on the town, you won’t be able to resist ripping off each other’s clothes

4.  Read your spouse’s signals.
Your wife might give you the green light for sex by asking you to watch TV with her before bed. Your husband might let you know he’s in the mood for sex by asking if you’re still awake. Knowing how to read your spouse’s signals is something you learn over time, but it’s an important part of the communication the two of you must have about sex.

5.  Focus on foreplay.
Most women need lots of foreplay to help them get excited (not to mention lubricated) for great sex. Yet, many couples spend little time on foreplay because there is never enough time in the day. Spending more time on foreplay – from kissing to oral sex – will help you build anticipation, which is sure to make the sex better.

6.  Make sex exciting again.
Married sex is not a death sentence; in fact, it can be better than the sex you had early in your relationship. Sure, when you and your spouse first had sex, everything felt new and exhilarating. That’s fine and well. The more you get to know what your spouse likes and doesn’t like, the better the sex will be. The more comfortable you grow to be, the more you’ll be willing to experiment with sex positions or role playing or whatever it is that turns you on.

7.  Never stop improving your sex life.
The best part about sex is that it can keep getting better and better. If you’re willing to put in the effort to practice, practice, practice, your sex life will improve.

How to Make Time for Sex

There is no question that your sex life has its ups and downs whether you are married or single. But married people, for some reason, take sex for granted and often say that they do not have time for sex. The fact is that you must make time for sex. And there are ways to do so, even if you are the busiest person on the planet. Let's face it, unless you are the president of the United States, you are not the busiest person on the planet. Regardless, here are methods (that have worked for others) to make time for sex:

Commit to Having Sex
The first step to finding time for sex is to decide that you are simply going to have sex. Talk to your spouse and make a commitment to one another to have sex a certain number of times per week or month, whatever will satisfy both of you. Then, keep that promise. Until and unless you make the decision to definitely have sex, you will come up with excuses or get sidetracked by other things. Now, this does not mean that sex should become a chore on your to-do list. It just means that you have decided sex is a priority.
Let Sex Happen
We have all had those moments where our spouse sneaks up on us from behind or plants a big movie-like kiss on us unexpectedly. Things might start to get hot and heavy, but one of you says, "Not now, I have to wash the dishes, mow the lawn, do some work, etc., etc." The next time your spouse starts pawing you, go with the flow. Let sex happen, even if you think you are too tired. Trust me, a few of the right strokes and your spouse will more than wake you up, and you might even rest more peacefully after making love.
Schedule Sex
This might not sound very romantic. But we schedule everything else in our lives, so why not sex? By penciling in time for sex, you are making sure that it will happen. After all, if you plan on having sex from 9 to 10 p.m. on Tuesday, you will not make any other appointments or schedule any other activities during that time. You will certainly have time for it. You will literally be working sex into your schedule. Having sex is more romantic than not having it, so feel free to schedule to your heart's content. Of course, make sure your spouse is scheduling sex for the same time, too.
Build Anticipation for Sex
If you are anticipating or desiring sex, you are more likely to make time for it. Lots of foreplay - sexy text messages, playful kissing and touching in the morning before work, or wearing your sexiest lingerie under your work clothes - can all help boost desire. You will not be able to think of anything else but sex. When you get home, you will be more than happy to put off doing the laundry or taking out the garbage for a little time in bed with your spouse. In fact, if you keep building anticipation for sex, you might not even have to schedule it anymore.
Follow Up with More Sex
Talk to your spouse after a few weeks of putting in this additional effort to have sex. Discuss whether you are both satisfied with the improvements. You might find that have more sex is making you want more sex. Maybe you will work even more sex into your busy schedule. Maybe you will be fine with your new sex life just the way it is. Regardless, it is important to check in with one another about matters, such as sex, which can cause rifts and arguments in a marriage. Sex should be one of the things that unites the two of you and not one of the things that divides you. Keep it that way by making sex apart of your marriage routine. You will find that your marriage is more fun with sex than without it.

People With This Personality Trait Are More Likely to Cheat

source:self.com
let's establish this base line: We're going to assume that cheating (at work, in relationships, at trivia night) is not your status quo. But in those moments when majorly breaking the rules starts to look attractive, new research suggests that likelihood you'll cheat might be determined by...your anxiety level.

Based on six small studies that examined angst in the workplace, a new paper titled Anxious, Threatened, and Also Unethical: How Anxiety Makes Individuals Feel Threatened and Commit Unethical Acts suggests that feeling threatened leads to making immoral decisions.

In one very telling experiment, the researchers asked 63 students to listen to calm music, then switched it up and played Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho score. If you’ve ever seen the classic Hitchcock flick, you already know those chords are unnerving enough to make a completely sane person feel a little crazy.

Sure enough, the participants played a simple computer game in which there was an obvious way to cheat, and those who listened to the Psycho tunes felt more anxious and were more likely to deceive. Feeling threatened can make us place our own best interest ahead of everything else—even the rules.

Though researchers didn’t hint that this same conclusion applies to our personal lives, it’s certainly an interesting thought: Could feeling threatened cause us to cheat not just on a game but also on our boyfriends? That’s another study for another day—but there is probably a Scandal episode or two suggesting just that.

Pick Someone This Age If You Want Your Marriage to Last

Ladies, we’ve heard it all before when it comes to love, dating, and marriage advice. (Hi, well-meaning grandma, thanks for that cow vs. milk tip, and BFF who’s currently in the “perfect” relationship—bless your heart.) While there are certain predictors of what makes a successful union, the latest research is showing that age could be a telling factor.


A recent study found that couples who are closer in age have a greater chance of staying together. Meanwhile, data from over 3,000 newly married and divorced Americans showed that partners with

What Makes Men Attractive to Women

Women are attracted to men for a number of reasons. Tastes vary on an individual-by-individual basis, but research shows that women in general, tend to prefer certain traits in men. The good news: Some of these traits are within your control. The bad news: Some of them are not. This is why there's whiskey.

1. Piercings, Tattoos, and Scars: According to the evolutionary "handi-cap" theory, men who are physically healthy and have good genes can afford to take part in risky behavior involving needles, ink and katana swords. Think of it as your body's way of showing off for prospective mates.

2. Money, Money, Money... Money: A study by evolutionary psychologist David Buss found that women from 37 cultures around the world value high earning potential and good financial prospects in a partner. Even Zambia ladies love a sugar daddy.

3. A Deep Voice: Women value physical symmetry because it's a sign of good health and good genes for the screaming hordes of babies they plan to make with you. The deeper a man's voice, the more likely he is to be symmetrical. Just the way it is.

4. Height: Tall men make more money and have more babies. Short men try to conquer Europe.

5. A V-Shaped Torso (Hit the Gym): If you look like you row, swim, or moonlight as a superhero, women dig your body. If you're shaped like a Family Guy character, they do not

6. Sense of Humor: Dr. Cindy M. Meston says that women like men who make them laugh. Men, she says, prefer women who laugh at their jokes.

7. Her Past (How You Remind Her of It): Women create a mental "love map" of their romantic life based on past experiences. It starts to form at age eight. This explains why you never had a chance with that little red-headed girl.

8. Smell: There is no single most-attractive scent, but studies show that women can smell symmetry, just like they can hear it. This is why you should not mask your natural scent with body spray, Mr. The Situation.

9. Confidence (Have It): Few women are attracted to wimpy guys and most women are not attracted to arrogant jerks. Real confidence is the ability to switch between bravado and humility without worrying about appearing vulnerable.

Questions You MUST Ask Yourself Before You Leave Your Marriage

                                                                      

So, you have gotten to a point in your marriage where you are seriously considering divorce.  This decision has potentially serious negative consequences for you, your spouse and those you are close with in your life.  It is a choice that must be thought through deliberately and carefully.

1. What has gotten you to the point where divorce is on the table?
This is complicated and it will be difficult for you to be objective.
  Have your grown apart and become disconnected? Have your conflicts been handled poorly?  Are you avoidant and unwilling to communicate?

Some people say that their "feelings are gone." This is a sad and painful place to be.  If you are having an affair, then you will not have a clear idea about your feelings towards your spouse.  It is completely unrealistic to compare your spouse with your new lover.

Feelings were once there or there never would have been a second date, much less a marriage. To get your feelings back, you must be willing to put behavior before feelings.  Acting as if you have loving feelings may have a very surprising and positive impact on your interactions with your spouse.

If you are not willing to look at your own contributions to the state of your marriage, you will most certainly carry some of your problems into your next relationship. It is imperative for you to think about what you need to change. Why not practice that with your spouse?
2. What have you done to try to fix the problems so that you did not get to this point?
If you have never been to marriage counseling together, then what would be the downside to trying?  Alternatively, maybe you did "try" but it was not your best effort.  Perhaps the therapist you chose was not a good fit for one or both of you.  Or, as is sometimes the case, one or both of you were not completely honest about everything.

At this crisis point in your marriage, I suggest seeking out a highly qualified marriage therapist. Now is also not the time to be cheap about it.  This is too important a decision. Chances are you both have been poor problem solvers regarding your marital issues and need professional help. Go in with your own agenda for change in yourself, and not what you want to change in your partner, to have a much better chance of success.
3. What will the impact be on your children?

This may not apply to some readers, but if you have children that are still at home, you must think through how this will affect their lives. This will be something that will change them in significant ways regardless of how “smooth” you believe the divorce process will be for you and your spouse.  Contrary to what you might be telling yourself, unless there is a significant amount of conflict, such as loud and frequent fighting or abuse, your kids just want a home with you both in it. Research shows that kids do better emotionally with you together, even if you are unhappy, than divorced. Having two households is not fun for them and it may actually not be for you.

You may even come to regret your divorce, as many people do. Will you be okay with your spouse's new romantic partner being around your kids?  You will not be able to control this. "Blended" families pose lots of complications. The divorce rate is worse for subsequent marriages. Since the odds are not in your favor, why not try to make your current situation better?

4. What were the best of times in your relationship?

When have you felt the most connection with your spouse?  What was happening when you felt the most joy and happiness? Think about what attracted you to your partner.  What traits did you fall in love with (even if they may be making your crazy now)?  Only focus at this moment on the positives.  Are you able to imagine getting back to that place? If you can imagine it, chances are you can get there with the right process.

Do not stay in the bubble of indecisiveness for too long.  It may seem comfortable, but you really just have three choices: (1) remain the same and continue along as-is, (2) move toward separation and divorce, (3) try an all-out effort to reconcile.

Ambivalence, or “sitting on the fence,” can be worked through and is best done with the right professional.  In fact, a process called, ”Discernment Counseling” has proven to be highly effective at helping couples on the brink of divorce work through their decision rather than stay indefinitely in a place of indecisiveness and unhappiness. Even if you are both on different pages right now, it is time to face this difficult situation. At the very least, your vows obligate you to work on a troubled marriage before giving up.

Do's and Don'ts of Apologizing to Someone You Love

                                                                    Saying you're sorry can heal wounds and rejuvenate your relationship.

Here are some DO's and DON'Ts when making an apology:

1. DO apologize face to face. While it is sometimes easier to apologize in writing, the full effect requires speaking your words in the presence of the other person. However, if circumstances make that impossible - or if emotions make it too risky - it's perfectly fine to do it in writing, as long as privacy is maintained.

2. DON'T dilute the apology. If you've decided to express regret for something you did or said, it's counterproductive to include words of defense or complaint. It defeats the purpose of your "sorry" to add a "but" followed by an excuse for your actions or an attempt to spread the blame. To be effective, an apology must be sincere and unconditional.

3. DO be specific, but DON'T be long-winded. The apology must be specific enough that your spouse knows what you're apologizing for. For example, instead of "sorry for what I said," you might say "sorry for what I said about your driving last Thursday when we were going to the restaurant." However, don't say more than is necessary for clarity.

It is crucial for you to take responsibility and ownership for behavior that contributed to the problem.

4. DO express a commitment to repair any damage done, if relevant. When something that you said or did can be reversed or the adverse effect can be neutralized, it's appropriate to announce your intention to do so. This is what it means to "make amends." For example, if you destroyed or damaged something in anger, you should commit to replacing or paying for the item.

5.  DO pay attention to the other person's response, but DON'T debate. If the recipient of your apology wishes to respond, you should listen to (or read) their words. However, generally you should avoid responding (beyond acknowledging that you heard what was said), as you might inadvertently say something that reopens a wound or detracts from your apology. As difficult as it might be, this is not the time to be reactive or defensive.

By offering a sincere apology and attempting to make amends, you are doing your very best to repair the relationship or avert conflict. Unfortunately, you have no control over the attitude or response of the other person but these are the things you can do to improve your chances of a good outcome.

Keep in mind that your husband or wife may not be able to forgive immediately, as he or she may need time to heal. You can always ask if there is anything you can do to help the healing process. Whatever the nature of their immediate response, you can be confident that your apology is the best step to repair the strength of the marriage in such situations. Apologizing shows respect, courage, and vulnerability. It demonstrates your commitment to your marriage. It does not make you weak or less of a person. Apologizing gets easier with practice. Furthermore, after seeing how it restores the equilibrium in your relationship, you will be motivated to apologize in the future when it is appropriate.

Forgivness: The One Thing You Must Do to Preserve Your Marriage

                                                             

As divorce rates continue to rise and families continue to split apart, couples who love each other are being turned off to the idea of saying 'I do.'  However, if all couples would follow one simple rule, marital bliss could truly be attainable.

The rule is simply this: forgive. This is sincerely the best thing you can do in your marriage and really the only way to keep your marriage intact for the rest of your life. Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process by which you have a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense.

t takes letting go of negative emotions such as anger or vengefulness, and the ability to wish the offender well. Studies have shown that forgiveness inspires love and can be healing in many ways.

Use these tips to keep forgiveness, not bitterness, at the heart of your marriage:

1.      Look at both sides of the story
There are often simple explanations for frustrating behavior, but you have to be willing to see both sides. Too often, spouses jump to conclusions and immediately go into blaming mode instead of looking reasonably at both sides of the story. If everyone looked at themselves first before attacking their partners, many fights would be dispersed before they even began. When you can view both sides honestly, it is easier to find forgiveness because you see what part you contributed in the fight.

2.      Practice a policy of open honesty, but not necessarily all the time

Some spouses operate on the premise that honesty is the best policy no matter the circumstances. In reality, this is not true in marriage.

Telling your wife she looks ten pounds heavier than she did a year ago is not going to help either one of you. If you are furious about something your husband did, it is usually better to not bring that subject up right away. Let the anger abate so you can discuss the situation in civil terms. When you hear that honesty is important in a marriage, it is. But it doesn't mean cruelty or lack of tact is necessary. Honesty means not lying about how much you spent shopping and if your husband asks how you are, do not say 'Fine' when you don't mean it. If you need to, schedule a time each week that is your 'honest' time. When you have both had a chance to air your grievances, it will be easier to follow number 1 above.

3.      Imagine your spouse dying or leaving you

This isn't something that you usually hear recommended in a marriage. But it is a simple and powerful way to remind yourself of how much you love your spouse. When you are feeling especially angry, think about how you would feel if he or she died before you sorted out your feelings. Would this incident be of importance? This is not to say that you should pretend to be happy all the time because he or she might die. This is just another way to look at your marriage and realize how much you do love each other and want the marriage to go forward.

By following these three simple guidelines, you will find that you can forgive your husband or wife more quickly. Love always follows forgiveness, so put these ideas into practice to strengthen your bond and ensure that you are truly together until death do you part.

Fascinating Things All Women Should Know About Orgasms

Own your orgasm
source:Camille Noe Pagan(health.com)
When you're deep in the throws of "Yes… YESSS!" passion, you're probably not giving all that much thought to watch mysterious and wonderful things orgasms are. But when you're less, well, preoccupied, you might be interested to know that there's some pretty amazing stuff going on while you're getting busy. For example, were you aware that your breasts can get off from a great roll in the hay? Or that having a good-looking partner may lead to a grander finale? (True and true.) We uncovered scientific findings that might just make your next bedroom session even better.

What to Do After Unprotected Sex

source:health.com
Every year, 3 million women in the U.S. have unintended pregnancies either because they skipped contraception or used it improperly.

If you dread having to make the difficult, life-altering decisions that come with an unplanned pregnancy, it’s not too late—there are “morning after” and now even “week after” emergency contraceptives.

Here are seven things to consider after having unprotected sex, including your options in terms of emergency contraception.

How to love a woman.

Men have always wondered on how to love women. With these trusted ways form my blog every man is assured of love from the right woman. 

1.  LOVE YOURSELF:  the first rule for to love anyone is to love yourself first. NB: you can not give to another what you don't have. that is the basis of every relationship. If your relationship is not working you should first look, to yourself: mostly the fault may becoming from you. IF YOU CANT LOVE YOURSELF YOU LOVE ANYONE EITHER.
2. TELL HER YOU LOVE: this is the most important point on your journey to loving that special woman. A woman will never know your intention for her till you tell her and the worst if even when she expects it from you. Women cherish the phrase "I LOVE YOU" most always love to hear that every now and then. 
3. LOVE HER FOR WHO SHE IS: never love a woman based on conditions such as: I love you because of your sexy shape, b*tts etc. what will become of such relationship when those conditions are no more available. Even though you celebrate everything that she is, just make her know that you simply love her for who she is no matter what.
4. DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST: every relationship has it ups and downs. when such issues arise from the woman you loves side, never use it against her just try to let go and move on: NEVER USE HER PAST AGAINST HER.
5. GET TO KNOW HER: Most men always say "My wife doesn't understand me" what should rather be said is"I don't understand my wife partner. Love can only grow and deepen through understanding. No man has ever understood a woman fully. Although you can never get get to the point where you think you know everything about her with patience and determination you will get to know her much better.
6. PAY ATTENTION TO HER: Its absolutely vital to know that women need attention and they count it as a love. Many of the annoying habits that women have are attempts to get your attention. NB: Give her attention and you will get the love you want and and also save yourself from future annoying habits of her. although men are focused and directed, they can easily lose that focus in what they are doing: you need to find a balance that shows how important your woman is to you.
7. START EACH DAY ANEW: Begin each day as if it is the first day of the relationship. Give her your love and tell her you love her. You've got to do it in a different way and repeat each day.                                                                                                                                                 THESE POINTS ARE SUGGESTIONS FROM MEN WITH MANY YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND TRUST THAT IT CAN BE APPLIED TO MAKE YOURS UNBREAKABLE.