Add some spices to your marriage

For most couples, being in sync doesn't happen all the time. The longer you are married, you will notice ups and downs throughout your relationship.

But with these simple and practical tips, you can go back to the honeymooning lovers you once were, no matter how long you've been married.

Kiss for no reason

As the time flies by, you may find that you no longer give each other as much lip action as you once did. Kisses may be limited to when the husband leaves for and arrives from work, or during super special occasions only. Surprise your loved one by giving him a heartfelt smack right on the lips the moment you wake up, or even better -- anytime at all.

Get him a gift

The next time you are out doing grocery shopping or running an errand, buy your better half something that reminds you of him. It doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive; the key is to let him know that you are thinking of him. Don't have extra cash? Pick a flower from your walk home or simply write him a letter by hand.

Join him in his favorite activity

Married couples have a way of drifting apart, especially when each is constantly engaged in separate hobbies. Husbands may enjoy watching rounds and rounds of sports on TV while wives may like taking walks or doing some gardening work. Whatever it is that your significant other usually does alone, surprise him by joining him for that particular activity, even for just an hour.

Exercise

Believe it or not, staying in shape can do wonders for your marriage. Not only does being active keep your body and brain functioning well, but it also releases endorphins that keep you happy. These happy hormones help alleviate stress, lift moods and encourage a positive atmosphere. If you can get your spouse to exercise with you, all the better.

Take care of yourself

Eat healthy, find out which beauty treatments work best for you and spend time taking care of your physical self. This includes having a good oral health care routine (don't ever forget to brush and floss regularly!) and taking the right vitamins and supplements. It is important to always look and feel your best especially when around your spouse.

Talk. A lot.

Still the most important way to keep the sizzle in your marriage is through mental stimulation. You don't always need to have the same opinions on everything. In fact, the art of gentle debating is a surefire way to keep things interesting. When not in the mood for a discussion, simply talking about the most mundane things is still an excellent way to stay connected with one another.

Do something new together

Most couples simply accept old age and eventually stop doing new things. It doesn't have to be that way. Make it a point to never stop discovering new things, whether it be about the world, yourself or each other. Dare to try something new each month or even each year. Climb mountains, go camping, explore a new country. The list is endless.

Always remind yourself that you are one lucky person for having married your spouse

No matter what happens, at the end of the day, you are with that person for a reason. That reason may be as simple as having someone you love to grow old with, to share a laugh with, to make great memories with and to love and to take care of. Being grateful for those things will go a long way.

Proposal to Honeymoon

1. Marriage Proposal. Usually the groom’s parents and elders come to the bride-to-be’s house and ask for her hand in marriage. There maybe a recitation of the Quran’s first chapter, Surah Fatiha, and refreshments served. In “religious” and/or conservative families, this act may not include the groom. However, here in the West, after being given permission to ask, by say the father or brother of the groom, it may be that the groom then proposes. Depending on cultural and family tradition the groom or his family may give a gift e.g.  jewelry or some small amount of money as a token gesture that they are committed.
2. Engagement.  Although not an Islamic requirement, with the flow of cultures, it is common certainly here in the West for there to be an engagement. This can be a simple informal event just between the families or more formal, where it turns into a prelude for a simpler, smaller wedding. It can take place in the bride’s home or in a restaurant with family and close friends. Again, customs vary. In more affluent or less conservative families, there may be an exchange of rings and gifts for the respective families, with the ring being placed by the groom’s mother or sister on the bride-to-be. For less conservative, the actual exchange may happen with the future couple under the auspices of the respective families. There may be a short prayer to bless the upcoming marriage.
3. Dholki. This cultural celebration, more common with the Muslims of the Indian sub-continent and those that are more affluent, has started to become more common. The greater the affluence, the more the dollies that are hosted by different family friends. The dolce refers to the drum played and sung to by ladies at an all the functions. Nowadays, this also includes dancing in all-female gatherings.
4. Mehndi or Henna. Mehndi, a skin decoration most commonly used on the Indian sub-continent and in the Middle East, custom refers to a celebration usually one or two nights before the wedding.  Traditionally, this used to be an all-ladies night event held at the bride’s home, where the  mehndi or henna is applied to the palms and feet of the bride-to-be. This was combined with the beat of the dholki (drum) and traditional songs. These days the old has been replaced with the new. More commonly now in the West and with affluent families, it is the groom’s side that brings the henna and sweets depending on cultural norms both sides participate. There may be fun and competition with the bride’s side teasing the groom’s family, but all with respect. Not only the bride-to-be, but also close family and friends also participate in the mehndi application, although not as elaborate as the bride’s. In Indian/Pakistani culture the bride wears green or yellow/orange, but this is very much cultural and personal. The event which is now more formalized can take place at the bride’s home followed by dinner (potluck or catered) or at a restaurant.
5. Barat. This refer to the groom’s procession, which includes family and friends that go to visit the bride’s home, or home city for the nikah. In traditional affluent Indian culture, the groom may go on a white decorated horse. These days the horse has been replaced with a car. The greater the affluence the more expensive the car. Although these days it is possible to rent limousines, classic cars and Rolls Royce’s, there are so many options. The barat may be received by a band. As they enter, the bride’s side of the family and friends put a flower necklace (Lei) on the groom and some key family members. They also throw confetti or rose petals on the groom’s procession, typically done by the bride’s family and friends.
6. Nikah. This is the actual wedding ceremony, usually officiated by a Muslim cleric, an imam. Although a nikah can be done anywhere including the bride’s home or reception hall, it is preferable and usually done these days in a mosque.  Men and women sit in segregated areas, just as they pray. The imam will ask for two witnesses from the bride’s side who will then accompany the Imam to the women’s side or just ask the witnesses to get the signed permission of the wedding registration documents. Depending on state and country the laws may be a little different. Once the witnesses return, the imam conducts the nikah by giving a short sermon (khutbah) and then asking the bride’s father (the wali or guardian) if he gives permission for his daughter to be married. The imam then turns to the groom and asks him if he will fulfill his rights and obligations and to pay the mahar. Mahar does not translate easily into English, as it is loosely related to a gift, tax or dowry.  It is usually monetary, but doesn’t have to be. The imam will finally make a dua or prayer for the new couple. There are many duas, but the most common and prophetic one is ‘barak Allahu lakum wa barak ‘aleikum wa jama’ bainakuma fi khair’ which means “May Allah bless you, surround you with blessings, and bring you both together in virtue and prosperity.” It is a sunnah to share something sweets e.g. dates, after the nikah. Depending on when/where the nikah is being held, you may choose to offer a light lunch or dinner for the guests especially those who have come from afar.
7. Registration. Registration requirements vary by country and state. In places like the U.K., it is a formal process, which can be attended by close family. In the U.S., and specifically in California, it is a three stage process for Muslims. First the bride and groom need to fill out the paperwork at the registrars’ office and pay the fees. The bride should have decided by this point if she is going to change her last name or keep her maiden name. Islamically, it is not a requirement for a woman to change her name. The second step of the registration takes place at the nikah where the imam completes the paperwork provided by the city/county. The third and final step is that this paperwork is returned to the city/county and legally the marriage becomes valid.
8. Reception and Valima (Walima). There are many variants on the reception and valima. It is something that you and your families will need to discuss and agree upon. In certain cultures like Pakistani, it is the bride’s parents that pay for and hold the reception. Most of the guests are from the bride’s side plus the barat that has come with the groom. Later, next day or week to allow the groom’s side to invite their guests and some from the bride’s side, a valima is held. In other cultures like Afghan or Arab, it is the groom’s side that pays for the reception. Sometimes if the number of guests on each side is similar or there are many shared guests in common in a single event, a reception and valima may be held. Both sides can split the costs (or not). There are no hard and fast rules about who pays for what, but as long as it is fair and mutually acceptable and done in good spirit, that is what counts.
9. Rukhsti (Farewell). Rukhsti is the farewell when the bride leaves her home or home city for the groom’s home. The bride’s father and family escort their daughter to the waiting groom’s car. It is usually an emotional event, where the bride, bride’s father and mother bid farewell with lots of prayers and, yes, many times, tears. This will be the first night the couple gets to spend together. The less the families and couple know each other, the greater the anxiety. Conversely these days it is not uncommon for a lot of communication to take place and that bride and groom have some level of familiarity. The couple may head to a hotel, their apartment (which the groom has secured), or groom’s family home.
10. Honeymoon. Although a recent cultural addition after the wedding, most Muslim couples in the West go for a honeymoon to desired destination. Some who are more religiously inclined go for Umrah and on the return journey spend time in Istanbul, Cairo or other destinations. Others chose exotic locations that have some Muslim significance, for example, the Maldives, Mauritius, Malaysia, Morocco, etc. This is a time for the new couple to get privacy especially from family and get to know each other as husband and wife.

Credits:perfectmuslimwedding

Muslim wedding

The main requirement is that there be a mutual agreement between the bride and groom to get married, two adult witnesses and a mahar (dowry) gift for the bride. Also, a guardian representing the bride, a marriage contract, an officiator of the marriage (an imam, qadi, or other person) who will recite the sermon and officiate the nikah. Here are some of the key elements that make up the nikah:

• The groom must offer a meaningful, but moderate gift to his future wife. It is something that the couple can agree upon ahead of the nikah and/or in conjunction with the bride’s parents. It can be a monetary gift which is usually the case, but it does not have to be. It can be paid at the time of the nikah or agreed to be given at a future point in time, e.g. taking the spouse for Umrah or Hajj.
• The imam usually leads the nikah with a short sermon (khutab, khutbah). In it God is praised and the imam will remind the gathering that this event is being conducted in the tradition of the Prophet (SAW).
• In the sermon the imam reminds the bride, groom and guests to live a life of kindness, piety, mutual love,  forgiveness, and responsibility.
• In the presence of two witnesses, the bride is then asked through her father or guardian her consent for the marriage and similarly the groom is asked his acceptance of both the bride, responsibility of marriage and mahar (dowry).
• A written marriage contract needs to be completed. There are usually both Islamic and city/state registration documents that need to be signed.
• There after they are declared husband and wife in front of the community.
• The nikah should be followed by a walima, a simple reception for family, friends and the community.

Nikah

Nikah is the Islamic term for a binding and permanent marriage. The concept is deeply embedded in the practice of Islam, and is considered a deeply important spiritual goal for many Muslims. Understanding the basics of nikah can help shed light on the marriage practices of this ancient religion.

The idea of marriage in Islam is one greatly recommended by religious texts and leaders; it is seen as vital in preserving the ideals of family and home life. Some revered religious leaders and interpreters suggest that to refrain from marriage for a lifetime comes close to sinning, as, according to the Quran, men and women are meant to mate and bear offspring through marriage. Even those who are divorced are encouraged to remarry, something that other religious texts, such as the Judeo-Christian scriptures, specifically argue against.

There are many conditions that need to be met to fulfill the requirements of nikah. Some requirements are ceremonial and necessary to obtain a valid marriage in the eyes of Islamic authorities. Other requirements are of a more spiritual and personal nature, and though not always deemed necessary, are often highly encouraged as paths to a healthy marriage.

For nikah to be valid, the marriage must be proposed and accepted in front of two male Muslim witnesses, with the consent of the woman's guardian. If the woman agrees to the marriage, the guardian acts in her stead to negotiate dowries and condition of the contract. A man may be required to give his bride a dowry to prove his financial worth, called mahr. In addition, the wedding must be publicized or advertised to the general public in order to be considered valid.

There are several variations on marriage that involve very different circumstances, notably nikah mut'ah and misyar. Mut'ah is very controversial in different Islamic sects, as it allows couples to be considered married for a fixed time and includes no agreements for financial provision or inheritance, leading some Muslims to compare a declaration to this effect to be sanctioning prostitution or adultery. A misyar marriage is a contract that allows couples to technically marry but give up some of the normal rights and responsibilities that go along with marriage, and is often used in cases where couples do not have the financial means to marry. This form, too, may be used for short-term relationships with prostitutes or other women, and in some cases is seen as an easy way to get out of a formal marriage.


In a formal, permanent marriage, Muslims are encouraged to marry for love as well as for considerations such as religious devotion, social status, or beauty. Love between spouses is considered to be a gift from Allah that should be nurtured and increased. While social critics point out that in some Islamic regions forced marriages are common and that women are often forced to remain in abusive relationships through religious pressure or even physical threats, it is important to remember that, theologically, this behavior is not usually sanctioned.

Falling In LOVE

Falling in love may be a common expression in much of the Western world but it isn’t used much elsewhere. The phrase may be connected to the idea of "falling head over heels," which was used in the 1300s, and is another term for being struck suddenly by great romantic attraction to someone else. Even with this connection, it can be hard to get a beat on what falling in love means, or what it feels like. Each person may define this experience somewhat differently.

Generally, when a person falls in love they have heightened romantic interest in someone else, and this doesn’t necessarily have to occur at first sight. Many people are friends first and find over time their feelings change to those more romantic in nature. They might want more from a relationship than just friendship and they may cherish more than friendly feelings for the person with whom they're in love with.

The word fall suggests that there’s a certain helplessness about these feelings of attraction, and they’re not necessarily within the control of the person stricken suddenly with great affection. It is true that people can’t always determine who or what attracts them, but they don’t have to be helpless in this regard. People can make choices about whether to act on romantic feelings. However, for those experiencing falling in love for the first few times, the feelings can seems so powerful that there seems little choice but to act upon them. Some people have challenges maturing out of this impulse, which can make forming lasting romantic relationships very difficult.

It would be hard to dispute that initial feelings of attraction and the “falling in love'' state are powerful. For centuries, writers and poets have sung both the agonies and joys of discovering passionate feelings for someone else. Chaucer called this early “love” state the “dredful joye” representing both the pitfalls and ecstasy. Infatuation and romantic interest especially at the onset of a relationship can be both painful and exciting.

People have verifiable physiological reactions when in this early love state. A sight of the object of their affection may cause the pulse to race and the body to sweat. Certain neurotransmitters in the brain tend to be produced in greater volume, which can promote happiness and some anxiety. Yet most social scientists would agree that the reaction is not entirely a chemical one and involves the thinking brain and the emotions on numerous levels.


Another point on which most psychologists would agree is that falling in love is most certainly not the same as maintaining a sustained love relationship. It tends to be easy at the beginning, but remaining in love with a person can be difficult. The rush of feelings accompanied with the flush of early love make it hard to judge exactly how viable a relationship might be in the future. For this reasons, it’s not recommended that people make quick decisions or lifelong commitments while in this early stage. Getting to know someone after the roller coaster ride of falling in love with him or her may be a fantastic way to determine if the initial fall into love leads to lasting love.

Counseling before marriage

Counseling before marriage can provide people with skills that they will benefit from once they are married. Examples include communication and conflict-resolution skills. Going to counseling provides each person with the opportunity to outline their expectations. It can help to ensure that important issues have been dealt with and concerns that concerns of either party are discussed. By showing this willingness to strengthen the relationship, a couple may reduce their chance of divorce.

It is common for individuals to have expectations about how their lives will be after they are married. Some people think about the slightest details, such as who will do which household chores and what types of meals will be eaten. Counseling before marriage provides an opportunity for individuals to share their expectations with their partners so that they do not come as a surprise.

There may be some decisions that need to be made that a couple cannot agree on. There may be others that the couple have not even considered. A major benefit of counseling is that it helps to ensure that individuals have covered the issues and established answers to questions that are best dealt with before marriage. This may include topics such as the wife returning to work after childbirth, budgeting, and acceptable amounts of leisure time with friends.

Communication is essential in relationships, but it is also noted as the downfall of many marriages. Some people simply fail to realize the importance of communicating. For others, the problem may be that their communication skills are not well tolerated by their partners. Counseling before marriage can emphasize the importance of effective communication and can help couples to learn good techniques for interacting with one another.

There may be issues that one party has concerns about. For example, a person may be concerned about her partner's previous addictions or perhaps a period of infidelity. It is best to thoroughly work through these concerns before getting married. Many people do not know how to do that because the issues may be so sensitive and they want to avoid appearing redundant or igniting an argument. Counseling before marriage can be helpful because it brings an intermediary into these conversations and prevents such important topics from being avoided.


Even the strongest and happiest couples are likely to experience some rough moments. Sometimes problems grow or are prolonged by the fact that one or both parties lacks the ability to resolve them. Counseling can provide individuals with lasting conflict resolution skills that may even help them to avoid some problems from arising.

When people get married, they generally hope to be with their partners forever. In many societies, the divorce rates are quite high. There is some strong research that suggests that counseling before marriage reduces the chance of divorce.

Before you cheat read this

Before you consider cheating on your spouse, here are things you should know 
It seems that every now and then or so we learn of another celebrity caught cheating on his or her spouse. To say adultery is an epidemic in our current culture is an understatement. And it doesn't seem to be a respecter of position. Regardless of what we do for a living, (Politicians, Pastors, teachers, athletes, actors, musicians, etc.) cheaters are in our midst. It seems to be so prevalent today that the question isn't who is cheating but rather – who isn't?

I have seen first-hand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning. Your handsome boss, cute office secretary or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag that you cannot afford.

You will become a liar
It's bad enough to bear the title of "Cheater," but if you cheat, you will also wear the hat of "Liar." Cheating cannot occur without deceit on some level and normally the white lies in the beginning become full-fledged lies at the end. "I'm working late at the office tonight" may be a half-truth but you'll need to redefine the word "working" to silence your compromised conscience. Cheating and lying go hand in hand. (For more about the lies that cheaters tell.

You will get caught
It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But eventually, your affair will come to light. Your world will come crashing down on you. If you are fortunate, the story of your indiscretion may avoid the evening news or the front page of your local paper, but your circle of friends will know your deeds. And everyone likes to share juicy news.It's not a matter of if but when.

 As the Chinese proverb goes, "If you don't want anyone to know it, don't do it."

You will disappoint everyone Even GOD
Everyone. Your spouse. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your God. Your parents. Your nephew. Your children. Yourself. The disappointment you cause will be like the stench of skunks and it will take a long time to remove the smell.

You will be a bad example
Everyone is either a good example or a bad example in all things that we do. Cheating is not only a very bad example in relationships but brings with it a cloud of doubt that hovers over you in other areas of your life. If you cheated in one area, would you cheat in another? Cheating communicates to everyone that you took the easy road. It tells others that you were willing to cut corners in your most primary relationship. It reveals that you were not willing to do the hard work and get the help you needed. No one ever admires a cheater. No one looks up to an adulterer. Even if you did a lifetime of good, this one bad deed can erase it all.

You will lose your moral authority
It's hard to tell your children (or others) to do the right thing when they know you didn't. Saying "Do as I say, not as I do" is the fastest way to lose the respect of others. Not only will you lose their respect, you'll lose yours. Every moral judgment you make in the future will be weighed against your adulterous action of the past. It doesn't mean you can't speak the truth in the future, it just means that few will listen to you.

You will create trust issues for your spouse
Forever. You will single-handedly damage the precious self-esteem of the one you promised to love. Every relationship they have after you will be one that they struggle to trust. If that were not enough, you will rock the world of children and cause them to question the stability of every meaningful relationship they have. For children, their parents' relationship is their anchor and cheating cuts the line.

You will lose your standard of living
Depending on what you do for a living, you may lose your job. Many lose their home. Most end up with enormous court fees since cheating is usually the precursor to divorce. Betrayed spouses have a way of making you pay and that payment is always expensive. Every check you write is a constant reminder of your foolishness.

You will spend years trying to rebuild your life
Literally years. Even if you somehow weathered the storm financially, you will find it takes years for you to recover emotionally. It takes years for you to restore certain friendships, if you even do. It takes years for you to rebuild your character. It takes years to rebuild trust. It takes years to truly forgive yourself.

You will lose relationships
You will lose a LOT of relationships. Lifelong friends will walk away. Close friends that you have helped countless times will not be around to help you. Even some family members who are supposed to love you no matter what will vanish. A cheater can end up living a very lonely life. It's hard for many people who used to call you friend to get past that skunk smell of disappointment.

You will increase your chances of getting an STD

Sexually transmitted diseases run rampant among promiscuous people. But your paramour is "clean," right? After all, they told you so. And if there is one thing we all know – we can trust a cheater and their word. As the saying goes, "There is honor among thieves." One helpful thought may be to assume that everyone but your spouse has an STD. That should curb your appetite for destruction.

The grass is not greener on the other side
The "grass is greener" idea is a common misconception. Because we have never been on that grass, we assume it must be better than where we currently stand. It's not. In fact, though it may look greener from a distance – once you get there and make yourself comfortable, something interesting happens – the grass changes color. This usually happens soon after you get caught. You will then see that patch of land differently. You will also have a strange desire for the green grass you left … except now it is burned and won't let you back. The best way to enjoy green grass is to water your own yard.


Would you want this done to you?
Thieves like to steal wallets but hate when it's done to them. If we all lived by the Golden Rule ("Treat others the way you want to be treated.") most of life's problems would be solved overnight. Think about this action as if it were being done to you. The problem is that it requires thought and thinking is often the last thing a cheater has on his/her mind.

You will eventually regret this decision
In the heat of the moment, cheating appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful. Soon afterward, your eyes will be opened and you will regret that you ever partook of the forbidden fruit. Don't we all have enough regrets in our lives? Why add another one – particularly one that can only destroy everything you have worked so hard to build? Your home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.

The pain outweighs the gain
No one ever says from their deathbed, I wish I would have had an affair. No one ever leaves their lawyer's office with a smile on their face – grateful for the experience. No one loses dear friends and is glad they have one less Christmas card to receive this year. The loss is immeasurable. The pain can be unbearable. Entire kingdoms can be lost for a few minutes of pleasure. It is just not worth it.

now you see why its a BAD idea to consider cheating on your spouse

Key reasons why it matters to put your spouse before your children

There are important reasons why your spouse should be your first priority, even before your children. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your children; it means you love them enough to keep your priorities in the right order.

• Your children need to see how marriage works

If you push your spouse down on your list of priorities, your children will believe that marriage isn't all that important. On the other hand, if they see you honoring your spouse with that number one spot, they will feel a love and security that can come in no other way.

A young adult shared the following experience. She said, "When I was little I used to ask my mom who she loved the most, me or Dad. She always said, "Dad." I asked him the same question, and he answered "Mom." Of course, I knew they loved me, but I was always a little disappointed that they didn't say they loved me the most. A few years later I asked them again and the answer they gave showed me on top, at last. They said they loved me the most. The funny thing is, it didn't feel so good after all. It wasn't the feeling I was expecting. I liked it better when they said they loved each other the most." A few years later they were divorced. She said, "They needed to keep loving each other the most, then I might still have a mom and dad together. It's sad." 

Twin college coeds were counseling their younger sisters about what to look for in their future husband. They wrote: "Tonight when Dad comes home from work or meetings, listen to the first words he'll say when he walks in the door: 'Where's my beautiful wife?' Then watch as he searches the house to find her, just so he can kiss her to let her know he loves her. Notice how he'll start helping with whatever he can right away, and how he makes every one of you feel so important as he asks about your day."

Putting your spouse first does not diminish the love your children feel from you. It enhances it as long as you show love to them as well.

• It creates a feeling of romance in your marriage

You know right off the top that you matter to your spouse, and that's romantic. How open are you to respond with love and affection when you feel that you are the most important person in the world to your spouse? Keeping romance alive in marriage is crucial. And this is not just about "making love," it's about giving love in everyday little acts of caring that show your spouse how much he or she means to you. An unhappy wife told us that her husband meets the needs of everyone else first and rarely even notices hers. Are there times when a child's needs come first? Of course, but not continually and not at the expense of your spouse. A father of three young children, when asked if he still had the top spot on his wife's list of priorities, said, "I'm not even on the list." He wasn't laughing. Busy spouses must always find time to show their mates how important they are to them.

• Children who are continually number one become self-centered

When they are practically worshiped at home by a parent, children go out into the world with an unrealistic view; one that says they are owed. In an article by physician Danielle Teller, titled "How American parenting is killing the American marriage," she said, "Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home... Is it surprising that divorce rates are rising fastest for new empty nesters?"

• It helps everything else in your life go better

When your marriage is going well, it improves every other part of your life. If you have to spend time worrying about your marriage, it will take away from your productivity at work. Even more important, if you spend time fretting over marital problems, you have less time to devote to your children. There is only so much time and space in your life so keeping the marriage strong opens up more avenues for your relationship with your children to flourish. Keeping your spouse in that number one spot is what helps make that happen.

When divorce and remarriage enter the scene, it can be complicated. Where do the children of the first marriage fit? The new spouse deserves that number one spot, but that does not mean the children of a previous marriage are excluded. Children of divorce can feel left out and unloved if proper attention is not given to them. They may not be number one, but they need to be a very close number two, even if they are unlovable at times. They're hurting. They need both of their natural parents' love for them to thrive.

If you are a step-parent (some call it more lovingly — a bonus parent), then you need to be willing to welcome your current mate's children into your lives and allow him or her to have time to enjoy their children. Bring them into a loving family where they can see that your current marriage is one of happiness and strength. It will give them a feeling of security they were missing before.

What is really killing your husband and your marriage

You might be surprised to figure out you are doing these five destructive things that will ultimately ruin your relationship with your spouse.
Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage. 

1. Living outside of what you can afford
A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: "The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means."

Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.

Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.

Yes, you may not have enough to buy that Kate Spade bag you've had your eyes on for months, but your husband will love and appreciate the fact that you honor him and are grateful for what he provides.

2. Constant negativity
You hate your hair, the messes around the house, the neighbor across the street, your dumb co-worker, the old dishwasher, and everything in between. As soon as your husband walks through the door, you launch into action and dump every negative and angry thought that's crossed your mind throughout the day.

Can you imagine having to carry that burden? Negativity is draining. Men like to fix things, and constantly being hounded with complaints makes it difficult for him to help solve your pains.

If there is one thing I've learned from marriage is that a good man wants you to be happy, and if he can't help you do that, it makes him unhappy. It's okay to have a bad day once in a while, that's totally understandable, but don't make it a way of life.

3. Putting everything else first
When your children, mom, best friends, talents, or career in front of your husband, you send a clear message to him that he is unimportant. Imagine having that message sent to you every day for many years. What would that do to your self esteem?

Put your husband first.

Although it sometimes seems counter-intuitive and counterproductive, I think you'd be amazed to find that it's often the key to the greatest happiness in marriage. So many couples get divorced these days, because they neglect to care and love one another and put each other first.


If you choose to put each other first, you will find a lot of joy.

4. Withholding physical affection

Men crave and need physical affection with their wives. When you constantly decline intimacy, it wears on them.

Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse; it should be viewed as a sacred tool to draw you closer to one another and to God.

It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.

5. Not speaking his language
Women love to drop hints. (I think it's part of our DNA.) But men just don't get them. (I think that is a part of their DNA.)


Don't waste your time giving subtle hints that he won't understand: Speak plainly to him. Be honest about your feelings, and don't bottle things up until you burst. If he asks you what's wrong, don't respond with "nothing" and then expect him to read your mind and emotions. Be open about how you really feel.

Things your husband needs to hear

The things we say have a big impact on our marriages. Men sometimes get the reputation for being the less communicative sex, but that doesn't mean they don't thrive on affirming words from their wives. Whether or not your husband is begging for verbal affection, here are ten compliments that your husband needs to hear.

1. I'm so glad I married you
Men need to feel secure in marriage, and the fastest way to let your man know he's still the one is to tell him outright. This is a great compliment because it can come completely out of the blue, without him having to do anything to earn it. Spontaneous compliments feel genuine and sincere.

2. I love how you provide for our family
Men hold themselves to a high standard when it comes to providing, and they need you to acknowledge their efforts. Let your husband know that he doesn't have to make millions to still make you happy.

3. I'm so proud of you

You'll get far in marriage being your husband's greatest cheerleader. In a world that continuously knocks him down, be the one to always lift him up.

4. You're such a great daddy
If you have kids, praise your husband for his involvement with the family. Modern society often tells dads that they come second to mom, so let him know he's a valuable asset to your family.

5. You're so hot
Your husband needs to know you love the way he looks, even after a few years and a few extra pounds. Many men send and receive love through touch and physical intimacy, so complimenting his body is one of the fastest ways to show him love in a way he understands.

6. Thanks for fixing the broken dryer
Whenever your husband plays Mr. Fix-It around the house, compliment his efforts. He needs to feel capable, especially when he's taking care of you.

7. Thanks for the help around the house
Helping out can be a little scary for the man of the house. Chances are that you have your own way of doing things and he may be afraid of messing up your system. Thank him sincerely when he helps out, regardless of whether he folds the sheets the "right" way.

8. You can always make me laugh
Let your man know that he lightens up your day and brings positive energy into your household. Even if your husband isn't the ha-ha funny type, you can still compliment his stellar smile.

9. You're so strong

The next time your husband lifts a heavy load of laundry, bat your eyelashes a little and compliment his Superman-like strength, even if you could have done the task yourself. Husbands need to know they're good for something, and they certainly need to know they're good for you.

10. I love spending time with you
We all get caught up in the business of everyday life, so let your spouse know that you still love to simply hangout with him. After all, you'll be his best friend and constant companion forever.

Take a little time today to thank the man in your life for all he does. It doesn't take much to make your husband's day, boost his confidence and make him want to lift you up in return.

Things you should never say to your wife

Husbands, being truthful to your wife is important for the health of your marriage — but some things are best left unsaid!
If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably learned that there are certain things that a husband should not say. Here things you should definitely avoid saying to your wife if you value your mortal existence.

“You’re not that old.”
A woman is never old – not a lot, not a little. Even if she openly admits to being ancient, and her skin hangs in drapes from her sagging bones, to you she is always young and beautiful, and you’d better tell her so.

“Woman, make me a sandwich!”
Even when used in jest, this is a phrase that is much more likely to get a sandwich smashed into your face than presented nicely on a plate with a pickle and a side of chips.

“Can you come over here and help me find the tip of my finger?”
Body parts should stay attached to your body. And despite your intense pain, expect to do some serious explaining of your bone-headed actions that led to your loss.

“Let me tell you how my mom used to do that.”
As much as you love your mother, she is your wife’s mother-in-law, and therefore perpetually wrong.

“Do you want to join a gym with me?”
You might as well say, “Wow, you’re getting fat lately. Let’s go work off some of that ice cream you ate last night!” Also, you should probably start running immediately, because you will be surprised at how fast an angry slightly-out-of-shape wife can chase you down.

“Hey, honey – watch this!”
This expression is followed by you doing something that is likely to cause you severe bodily harm. No matter how good your health and life insurance are, your dear bride is not likely to be amused.

“[Attractive female’s name] is attractive.”
Of course she is. So is George Clooney, but pointing out either fact to your wife is just going to raise a bunch of questions.

“Stop being so sensitive.”
Perhaps surprisingly, this phrase will have the opposite effect. Other similar retorts you might try are, “Calm down,” “You’re really emotional right now,” and, “Are you starting your period soon?” Saying any of these is a good way to get a new understanding of the meaning of the word “hysterical.”

“No.”
Wives can say no. Husbands say, “Right away, darling dearest.”

“So I invested our life savings with this mining prospector and we don’t need to worry about retirement anymore.”

Your wife will still need to worry about retirement, but you won’t. Because you are about to die.

Simple ways to make your wife happy

Showing love to your wife every day. Love doesn't mean five-star restaurants or tropical island getaways. It's the simple things that matter most.

While dream vacations and life milestones are important, it’s the simple things you do that make your wife happy. Show love and respect to your bride every day, and remind her why you were the best choice she's ever made. Here are 10 basic tips for showing every day love. Remember: Happy wife, happy life.

Introduce her with a compliment
Saying something like “I’d like you to meet my beautiful wife,” or “Here’s my better half” goes farther than you may realize. Publicly recognizing her as your cherished partner validates that you love her.

Embrace when you see her
At the end of a long day conquering office battles and keeping the kids from climbing walls, you could both use a loving hug. Make a point of showing you missed her and are glad to be reunited. A big kiss doesn’t hurt, either.

Ask her how you can help
If this is a new one for you, she may think there’s a catch. With a sincere willingness to give a helping hand, ask how you can lift her burden. This gesture applies to more than yard work, but being in tune with her needs emotionally and spiritually, as well. Sometimes she just needs a listening ear.

Let her pick the movie
Or, if you’re playing games, let her choose. She needs to know her opinion counts in your marriage. Taking turns with these simple choices makes it easier to compromise on the bigger choices together.

Forgive her fast
She forgot to pack your lunch, or accidentally broke your TV remote. So, she’s human, after all? With all that she does right, let it go when she makes mistakes. After all, you’re no perfection yourself, cupcake!

Hold her hand in public
Some women are less inclined to public displays, but when appropriate, reach out and squeeze her hand. With the reassurance you’re proud she’s yours, she’ll walk a little taller, and smile a little bigger.

Why being a good provider isn’t enough

You and I know that a marriage can’t continue to be a honeymoon forever.  There are bills to pay and grass to mow.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the things that we have to do that we can start to substitute them for romance.  Yes, we take out the garbage partly for our wives so that they won’t have to, but if we didn’t have wives, we would still take out the garbage, wouldn’t we?  Isn’t that also true for going to work, moving the lawn, vacuuming the floor and anything else that we do around the house?  Although we can do a lot for our wives, the very fact that we would need to do those things anyhow does nothing to pluck her heart strings.  You may or may not get a thank you, but more romantic feeling from her?  Nah.  If that’s the reason you are plowing the back 80, you may as well trade in your tractor for a pair of walking shoes.  Taking a walk with her will actually build more love in her heart than working your butt off all day long.  Why is that?  Because walking with her is not something you have to do, and because your attention is focused on her.

Women don’t want to feel needed–they want to feel special

You may need your wife a great deal.  You may need her to cook for you, clean for you, help you pay bills, raise your children, listen to you talk about work, have sex with you, or keep you company while watch a movie.  If she were to leave, you would miss these things very much.  But, what is it about these things that makes her feel special?  What is it that makes her feel like she is the only one who could possibly do these things for you?  Probably not much.  She may feel that if she were not with you to do these things, that you could just find someone else who would, and be none the worse off for it.  Some men may even add insult to injury by enjoying looking at pornography or other women while making their wives feel like it doesn’t matter how they look.  She might feel like it wouldn’t even matter to you if she were silent and invisible as long as your needs were met.  What your wife needs for her emotional maintenance is to feel like she is special.  That there is something uniquely valuable about her that, try at they might, other women just couldn’t provide for you.  Is it realistic?  Probably not.  But, the emotional needs of a woman don’t have much to do with reality.  She needs something beyond you needing her—something that makes her feel special. Something that lets her know that she is the woman—the only woman, for you.

You have three love sending body parts.  None of them are inside your pants
They are your face, your hands, and your voice. Regardless of how hard you work, your wife uses these three things to judge the way you really feel.  And, that’s more important to her than what you do.  Men respond to action, and women respond to eye gaze, words, voice, and touch.  Master these and use them liberally.  You don’t need to take acting lessons to know how to use these right, because all of them naturally reflect your inner attitude. If you have the attitude, the desire, and the motivation to show love in your face (especially your eyes), your voice, and your touch, she will feel it. She will feel it like electricity running right into the center of her emotions. These flip the switch of love for long time married women just as well as they do for young single women.  Just like men, women do not outgrow what makes them feel in love.