Make Good Decisions about Life Together

Today I want us to deal with the subject of how to make good decisions in our marriage together the Biblical way and the Christian manner. Decisions in marriage are keen in keeping the union intact'

A. Seek God for direction.
 The Scriptures can give us God's direction. (Ps. 119:105). A believer does not need to struggle about decisions that God's Word makes clear. For example, it is easy to decide to attend church. The Bible makes this an easy decision. Likewise, the Bible helps us make the right decisions about tithing, disciplining children, and godly living. "I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path" (Ps. 119:104). 

For many decisions, there is a chapter and verse in the Bible. Our faithfulness to God helps us receive His direction."Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight"(Prov. 3:5-6). Faithfulness pleases the heart of God. God guides the steps of those who trust and honor Him. "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day"(Prov. 4:18).

Prayer helps us receive God's direction."If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" (James 1:5). Jesus Himself spent the night in prayer before choosing 12 apostles (Luke 6:12-16). A husband and wife should pray separately and together when they are seeking God's direction.

B.  Seek agreement with your spouse.
God wants His Church to dwell in unity and peace, having the same mind and purpose (Phil. 2:1-4). And the local church is only as united and peaceful as the families in it. The Bible teaches that the husband is the head of the home and his wife should submit to him. But a wise husband does not make important decisions without his wife. Remember that God did not create woman from man's foot.

He made her from man's rib; a place at his side and near his heart. God's plan is for a husband and wife to discuss important matters together. The husband and the wife each have strengths and weaknesses but together, they are complete. What the husband does not see, the wife may see. What the wife does not consider, the husband may discern. When they agree about a decision, they are a powerful team.

If a couple cannot agree, then they should each submit to God and pray. They should delay a major decision until both hear from God and agree. Or they should delay until the wife feels good about submitting her will to her husband even if she does not agree completely. When a husband is patient, he will give his wife time to receive grace to support him. If a husband demands quick submission then, the wife will blame him later if things go wrong. A husband may be able to force his wife to follow his decisions, but only the woman can submit her will.

C.  Have understanding and patience for the way your spouse makes decisions.
Paul reminds us that in relating to each other, we need "understanding, patience and kindness" (2 Cor. 6:6). People make decisions at different speeds.  Some are very slow to decide, so slow that they rarely decide at all! Those who are slow to decide are cautious, and may find it hard to choose. At the other extreme are people who make decisions very fast—perhaps too fast. In between these two extremes we find people making decisions at various speeds. This causes us to realize that the husband and wife may not make decisions at the same speed. So each must understand and show love to the other. Remember, love is patient and kind (1 Cor. 13:4).

If a husband and wife have opposite ways of making decisions, try this. Set a deadline—a date by which the decision must be made. Then the quick person can relax, knowing the decision will be made by a certain time. The slower one can think about the decision without feeling pressured to hurry. Also, this will allow time for prayer, discussion, counsel, and gathering facts. Some are very factual and want all the facts before deciding. They want to research and make sure they have all the information about a decision. Gathering facts can go on forever. In the other direction are those who base their decisions only on their feelings.

These are not concerned about all of facts. It may be hard for them to say why, but they both facts and feelings to make decisions.If a husband and wife often decide in different ways, try this. Agree to allow both facts and feelings, but put limits on each. Agree what information will be helpful and who will find it. Agree on when the research will end. Agree to pray and discuss the decision. Let each person express feelings.
Those who are steadfast make a decision and stay with it. These are confident after they decide. They are like a post driven in the ground; steadfast and sure. In contrast, some people decide, and then begin to have doubts. New questions or new circumstances cause them to be like a reed blowing in the wind. In between these two extremes are people who are steadfast, but may have some doubts about a decision.

Concerning decisions, if one spouse is confident and the other is doubtful, try this. Plan for a period of time to review a new decision. Then the person who is steadfast and confident about deciding will know that the decision is not final until after the review time. Also, this time for review will give the doubtful person a few days to live with a new decision. At the end of the review time. if both agree on the decision., then it will be final. Then, they will both face the future and not discuss doubts about the past decision. We have considered the ways in which people make decisions: slow or fast, factual or emotional; and the way they feel after decisions, confident or doubtful. All may be spiritual, yet they decide in different ways. Discern that a person who decides slowly may be the husband or the wife. And the one who decides quickly may base the decision on facts and/or feelings. Seek to understand the way you and your spouse make decisions and to value each other. Together, you can make better decisions than either could alone. God planned marriage so that two different people could help each other. When a husband and wife decide together, the strengths of both help their marriage.

D. Base decisions on godly priorities in your marriage.
Priorities are the things that a person cares about most. If people's highest priority is how they look then, they will buy nice clothes instead of books. If a person's highest priority is pleasure then, he will spend much time and money seeking fun. People's priorities guide their choices. Believers should seek to match their top priorities with things that please God. Husbands and wives may have some different priorities. If their priorities are not the same, this will hinder their ability to agree on decisions. Disagreeing does not always mean that one spouse is right and the other one is wrong.

Vagina Stuffs some Guys really Don't Care About

Lets discuss the female sex organ from most guys point of view that our dear dear women have real time battling with... IT MAY SOUND WEIRED BUT TRUE TO SOME EXTENT

​1. The way you've chosen to arrange your pubic hair. Pubic hair is to your vagina (or penis) the way a lawn is to a house: Most people aren't going to be too bothered by it as long as it looks like someone lives there. It doesn't have to be perfectly manicured. No one wants a spooky, boarded-up vagina that looks like a haunted house, but other than that, it's all good.

2. The way your labia look. ​Some vaginas have big lips, small lips, lips that stick out, or lips you can barely see. Just like all of God's creatures, they are all beautiful. You might see your vagina's entrance as a tentacle-monster we'll have to bat away with an oar like a salty fisherman. We just see it as a vagina.

3. How big (or small) it is. ​I'm sure, somewhere out there, extremely deep or extremely shallow vaginas exist. You're probably not a world-record setter. Don't sweat it. If it's impeding your comfort or enjoyment of sex, you may want to see a doctor, but I can assure you that guys don't care about this.

Why Don't I Feel to have Sex?

"No one knows what 'normal libido' is, "It's a problem if the woman says it is." What experts are split on is if meds are the answer.

Flibanserin purports to treat female sexual dysfunction, meaning a reduced amount or lack of interest in sexual activity, fantasies, pleasure, or arousal (even in response to partner initiation) lasting more than six months that's not due to something else.

Whether or not the drug is okayed, if this sounds familiar, ask your doc if one of these "something elses" is the source of your libido's crash.

Your Pill

How to Be a Loving Husband

Lets talk about how you can be a loving husband to your wife, children and to yourself as well the christian way.Christ commands husbands to love their wives in the same way that He loves His church.

A. A husband's love is gentle.
Love is never harsh (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Jesus is gentle with the Church and is the example of how
a husband must be gentle with his wife. "Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him … He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory" (Matt. 12:18-20).

Jesus is gentle with us. A bruised reed is so fragile that a slight wind will break it. Some men are so rough that they knock the bark off of a tree. But Jesus is so gentle that he will not break a bruised reed. Some men are so rough that they would knock a candle off of the table. But the touch of Jesus would not disturb or put out a smoking candle. Jesus is the husband's example of gentleness.
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them" (Col. 3:19).

Unresolved Anger: Recipe for distruction in marriage

ANGER!!!!!!!!. Recipe for disaster among many marriges.Today we going to talk about what destroys many marriages

1. Define the Offense
To handle unresolved anger you need to focus on its root cause... your unfulfilled expectations. Your spouse hasn't done what you expected them to do. You're let down... hurt... you're angry. So first, identify your unmet expectation.
Take a look at your part in having this need unmet? Did you expect your spouse to just "know" what you wanted? Did you make assumptions about their actions? Did you come right out and say what you needed? That's often the only way to make sure your needs are known.

So, don't stew and pout on the inside. To get rid of, and prevent, unresolved anger it's your responsibility to be direct about your expectations. "Honey, I expected you to invite my parents for dinner too. I need you to tell me I look nice when we get dressed up to go out." Be open and direct to avoid future cases of unresolved anger.

Communication During Marriage Conflict

Trust me every marraige has seen it fare share of conflict thus theres is no perfect picture of a "PERFECT MARRIAGE".

Today we are on the subject of communication during conflict in the marriage. Five Ways People React to Conflict

People react to conflict based on their culture, their nature, and the examples they
have seen. Most people react to conflict in one of five ways.

Communication Mistakes Between Men and Women

A challenge in all marriages is for the husband and wife to communicate properly with each other.

Communication Mistakes Women often Make.

 Here are some common mistakes that a wife makes and what the husband thinks in response:

Mistakes a Wife May Make	What Her Husband Thinks
She offers advice when he does not ask for it.	She does not trust me.
She tries to control him through showing her feelings	She does not accept me.
She complains about what he has not done.	She does not appreciate the things I do.
She corrects and instructs him.	She does not admire me.
She accuses indirectly, "How could you do that?"	She does not think I am a good person.
She criticizes his decisions or actions.	She does not love me or believe in me, because she does not encourage me.

Communication Mistakes Men often Make.

Solutions for Sexual Problems in Marriage

Here are some ways to bring sexual healing within marriage.

1. The husband and wife must seek to have the attitude of Christ.
It is common to want a quick solution to problems. But it may take time and great care to solve difficult sexual problems.

There may be times of sorrow, discouragement, and anger.
These problems may test the marriage. But God calls couples to love and serve each other. margin:If you have any "encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus (Phil. 2:1-5).

Philippians 2:1-5 can help couples with sexual problems. it reminds us that God is our source of help. His love gives us encouragement, comfort, fellowship, tenderness, and compassion. We are not the source of these things in a marriage. All good things come from God. In days of discouragement, sorrow, hurt, and need, we can turn to God to help us. Second, these verses teach that our fellowship with God affects our relationship with others. For example, in marriage, the husband and wife are one in spirit and purpose.

A sexual problem in a marriage no longer belongs to just one of the spouses because they share everything. One is not to seek a solution while the other brings blame or shame. They must unite to solve the problem that now belongs to both of them. Third, neither spouse should be concerned only about self. Each should consider what is best for the other. It is all right to consider your own interests. But you must also consider the interests of your spouse. For example, if a spouse is hurt, the husband and wife must seek to heal that wound. But the one who is wounded must not ignore the needs of the other spouse. And the one who is well must be patient with the wounded spouse. Both must think of each other's needs. This was the attitude of Jesus. He left heaven to bring spiritual life and healing to us. Having the attitude of Christ will help the husband and wife solve their problem with unity and love. They should daily seek to have this attitude.

2. Physical problems do not mean the end of physical affection. Physical problems that cause sexual trouble may last for a brief time or a lifetime. But, some love is better than no love. Romance, which means being tender and kind, and love play can help meet emotional needs even without climax. Kissing and hugging each other gives assurance of attraction and love. Either the husband or the wife may still be able to climax. Each spouse should find ways to meet the other's sexual needs. Oneness needs to be enjoyed in physical ways. A couple that cannot climb the highest mountain of sexual pleasure should still climb the hills that lead to it. One day, they may reach the top.

3. Emotional wounds can be healed.
Many people try to ignore their emotional wounds. Children who have been sexually abused may ignore, hide, and cover their memories. But our emotions affect our bodies, even if the emotions or memories are hidden. The only way to solve sexual problems caused by emotional wounds is through inner healing. Let us consider some steps to healing painful memories:

a.Invite Jesus and a trusted friend or counselor to walk through your past memories with you.

b.Visit the old, painful memories. You must have the courage to remember what happened and how you reacted. Ask Jesus to help you see things in the right way. Strong feelings will probably come as you remember. Tell Jesus exactly what you feel.

c.Identify the person who did wrong. Many people with painful memories feel ashamed. For example, a young woman felt shame because her uncle abused her sexually when she was a small child. She remembered that her uncle gave her gifts to remain silent. She felt guilty because she took the gifts and did not tell. But when she went back to those memories as a grown woman, she realized how small and innocent a girl is at the age of 3. She could see that it was her uncle who did wrong as well as her parents who did not protect her. Sometimes, a person has shared in the sin and guilt of a painful experience. If that is true, face the truth. Ask for forgiveness, and receive it (1 John 1:9).

d.Examine what you told yourself about the experience. The experience has power. But what a person tells self about the experience has equal power. For example, a young man was deeply in love for the first time. He honored the young woman. Even though his desire was strong, he waited for marriage to have sexual relations with her. While he was away for a summer, the young woman became pregnant by another man. Her unfaithfulness hurt the young man deeply. He told himself, "I cannot trust any women. They will give their bodies to someone. It might as well be me." Then, for many years, this young man used women for sex. He told them anything they wanted to hear in order to convince them to surrender their bodies. What he told himself about his hurtful first love twisted his life.

e.A woman who has been raped must reject her thoughts that sex is ugly. At the same time, she must embrace the truth that sex is a gift from God. Money is not bad because thieves steal it. Likewise, sex is not bad because people abuse it. God created man and woman for each other in the Garden of Eden. Sex is a part of God's good plan. A woman who thinks her value is only in giving sex must reject that thought. She must tell herself the truth that she is so valuable that Jesus died for her. The value of something is always seen by the price someone pays. The price Jesus paid for us shows each of us that we have great value!

f.Deal with the person who hurt you. You must seek good counsel and wisdom from God to know the best way to deal with this person. Sometimes, you and your husband must face the person who wounded you. This is especially true if the person may be abusing other children. Other times, you may need to break contact with that person. Always, you must forgive even though your offender may not ask for forgiveness. And remember, God will still judge those who do not repent, even if we forgive them.

g.Seek sexual pleasure and fulfillment with your marriage partner. Do not punish your spouse for what someone else has done to you. Love your spouse with the love God gives you. These steps may take time. The depth and number of wounds will determine how long of a journey this will be. A couple with the attitude of Christ will take the journey together. But how can the mate best help while this process is happening?

4.  Ways spouses can help their wounded mate.
A. Pray for healing.
B. Help your spouse, but do not try to fix him/her. Your spouse must take responsibility for self.
C. Listen more than you talk.
D.Accept your spouse completely. Sexual problems and solutions may be difficult to identify. But          part of becoming "one" means that the husband and wife will work faithfully together to seek              healing.
E. Always speak the truth in love.
F. Help your spouse face self and God. God is the primary source for his/her healing.
G. Do not react in violent ways when you discover who has wounded your spouse.
H. Be patient. Do not rush your mate. You may need to let the spouse choose the direction and the pace.

Your Spouse's Sexual Needs

Both the husband and the wife need to understand the sexual needs and desires of their spouse.

Understanding Your Husband's Sexual Needs

1. A husband desires sex more often than his wife desires sex. The man's sexual
   desire is usually stronger than the woman's. A woman can increase her readiness for sex by thinking about her husband and the pleasure he brings. Much female desire begins in the mind. The bride in Song of Songs thought about and looked forward to joining with her husband. "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— … Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers" (Song of Songs 1:2, 4).

Preparing for Marriage

This subject has being ringing bells on many people preaparing for marriage. As a counsellor I want to delve much deeper into the subject of Today lets go much deeper into the subject of sex during menstruation.

Understand what love is
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Win His Heart: A Psychological and Islamic Approach for Women

source:muslim marriage guide.
As women, we desire to have a deep emotional bond with our spouse. We want to be loved and adored.
We need to nourish our spouse daily with love, support and understanding.As a therapist, I have seen numerous men who are disappointed in their marriages.

"Before you say ‘I do" READ THIS. (muslim)

“Marriage-related” statuses, comments and articles get maximum number of likes on the  social networking sites these days, like Facebook, Twitter, Google plus and others.

Maybe this is because everyone wants to take out their frustrations, share their observations and their acceptance or rejection on this universally acknowledged and interesting topic. In this battle, I have seen some people becoming so sentimental that they vomit out their own personal encounters, love affairs, and ever- lasting crushes along with potential parties’ names in public!

"Before you say ‘I do’" Bring Mrs Right (MUSLIM)

let's share what Arjumand Adil take on things to do before you say I DO.
Sakina wanted the perfect match, the ideal guy, Mr. Awesome. She had heard her friends daydreaming about their Prince Charming.


“He will be charming, rich, a professional or a business tycoon, lovable, caring. He will spend all his spare time with his wife, shower her with pearls and rubies, perk things up with lavish and romantic candle lit dinners, followed by rides by the seashore. Oh! How wonderful life would be with such a guy.”

Ways to Prepare for a Mate

Most people will get married. But all of us will be unmarried for a time. Some people are unmarried for a time while they seek a mate. Others become single again through death or divorce. Some remain unmarried throughout their lives. In this lesson, we will consider how we prepare for marriage.

10 Tell-Tale Signs Your Marriage Is Dying (muslim)

It’s perfectly normal to have ups and downs in your marriage…but what happens when there are more downs than ups? What happens when those downs seem to be spiralling out of control?

Here are 10 signs your marriage is dying a slow and painful death… Plus we’ll share how you can get your marriage back on track for success.

7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You(muslim marriage)

want to share this with my readers.
source: Islamic learning materials.

Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.

However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.

Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.

The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.
So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.

Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or ‘an affair’. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases – the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim]. But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished – he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon:

Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].

Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.

You must teach him or her to:

1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.

2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts…” [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “…do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]

3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahram. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) “…do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you…” [33:32]

4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with T-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashion clothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.

5. It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha’ Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called ‘the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship’.

What led to this?

There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at is the girl’s raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.

Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl’s behavior?

Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a “geek”.

Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends. Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy. Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.

Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents. There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.

How to approach them?

When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative (“You did this to…”) and judgmental (“You are so…”), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation (“Why did you…?”). This only adds to their daughter’s defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using “should”, “don’t” and all other negative words. Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it (“Do you mean…?”), acknowledge it (“You feel… because…”) and empathize with it (“You sound really…”). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practicing these skills.

Insecurity

Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her “bad” behaviors, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviors and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter.

Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).

Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam’s position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.

Don’t forget about the boys

Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worse position, the same parents are complacent,. feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honor of the family.

Honor needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honor. If the father or mother loses his or her honor then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honor and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.

source: pure marriage.

Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits

I want to share this with my readers from the "muslim marriage guide"
Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.

Every day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.

The Three Stages of Growth in Marriage (Biblical marriage)

I want to share what I came across on a site by  Dr. Wayde Goodall
The Bible tells us, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established" (Prov. 24:3). In other words, God wants you to be wise and understand how to build your marriage and family.

The wise couple will understand that there are common stages in a marriage. Many marriages fail because of ignorance. People enter marriage but do not know how to succeed in it for life. Many believe that the emotion of romantic love will carry them through life.

Top Tips to Choose Your Future Partner...

Know yourself : This step is very important if you really want to choose the right future partner. 

You have to know yourself. Some people are searching in all corners of the earth for their soul mate but come back in vain. 

One of the reasons of that failure is that the bachelor did not ask himself. So the, before loving someone, before making your choice on the right guy or girl to marry, start by asking yourself the real questions: who are you?